


LOST BOY + for him.

by artificialmac



Series: Blue Neighborhood [9]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Break Up, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Mild Smut, Multi, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:34:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26311972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialmac/pseuds/artificialmac
Summary: Jaida is still reeling from the events of Widow's birthday party, but she doesn't have time to process as Homecoming is on the horizon.
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Jaida Essence Hall, Jaida Essence Hall/Jan Sport
Series: Blue Neighborhood [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708849
Comments: 14
Kudos: 24





	LOST BOY + for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Alex for betaing!
> 
> Thanks to you all for sticking with me as this update took a while. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!

The week leading up to Homecoming, Jaida did her best to act as if nothing had changed. 

She attended class, ate lunch with her teammates, went to practice, drove home, did her work, and went to bed.

She was structured. Followed her routine. 

Nothing had changed. 

Except her secret was out. 

Granted, only out to a handful of people, most of whom didn’t care enough to spread gossip like that. But there was no guarantee that they wouldn’t go flaunting her business to the entire school. 

And that’s what ultimately worried her.

Every whisper in the hallway had her straining her ear to listen. Each snicker made her wince. It was like her body was on high alert and she had to do everything in her power to pretend it wasn’t. 

She hardly even noticed when last period rolled around, reflexively sighing as the familiar screech of the intercom sounded. 

Jan’s voice rang out, chipper and bright as ever.

It was a small comfort.

“Good afternoon!” Jaida could hear her smile through the static. “I know everyone is anxious for the Homecoming court nominees, so we’ll start with that. But first-”

Jaida poorly concealed an eye roll. In the midst of all her personal drama, she had almost forgotten entirely about the dance.

“Like previous years, Eastview recognizes the student body as a whole is diverse and not everyone fits into gendered roles, so we will, as we have in the past, refer to the winners as Homecoming Royalty rather than King or Queen!” 

There was some shuffling as the intercom was passed around, Bryce’s voice suddenly ringing in the small classroom.

“Without further ado,” he boomed. “The nominees for our 2020 Homecoming court are...” He paused dramatically, causing a few people to groan. “Nicky Doll, Jan Sport, Jaida Essence Hall, Gigi Goode, Bryce Eilenberg, Wilson Lai, Jason Carter, and Mark Manio.”

Jaida felt herself exhale. 

“Congrats to all our nominees! Reminder to everyone that you can go in and vote through the student portal for Homecoming royalty now. We look forward to seeing everyone at the dance this Friday!”

Jaida tuned out the rest of the announcements. Though she smiled politely whenever her peers stopped to congratulate her, she had ultimately zoned out, instead focusing on outlining a new defensive play to run during practice.

Her teammates didn’t comment on her subdued nature, probably out of fear. They simply nodded when she gave instructions, hustled around the court, jumped when she said jump. The usual. 

The gym was a welcome relief from the rest of the school. It was a comfort thing, sure, but mostly it acted as a representation for everything she was good at.

Here, in the 94 by 50 foot court, she was _somebody_. 

She didn’t have to think. Everything was reflexes and power and speed. No mistake she made couldn’t be fixed by practicing a hundred hours. 

No mistake was permanent. 

Her body was mendable. She could make it do whatever she wanted.

She wrapped up practice as she always did, with the order of ten laps around the court and a high five to each of her girls. They filed off into the locker room one by one, but Jaida lingered a bit, her mind still mulling over the events of the past few days. 

She found her eyes trailing down to the area of skin above the bend in her elbow. The black ink of the fresh tattoo still took her off guard. It hadn’t fully healed yet, and there were traces of irritation around the black dots that made up the letters. She sighed as she ran her fingers over the raised skin, memories of Widow’s birthday party flashing behind her eyes.

One such image stuck out among all the others though, and she felt bile rise in her throat at the thought.

Before the churning in her stomach could get worse, she started running. 

She felt her body take over as she threw herself around the court at lighting speed. Lap after lap after lap. Her brain only passively aware that she was moving because of the beads of sweat making their way from her hairline to the small of her back. 

Jaida only slowed when she noticed a figure at the edge of the court.

Gigi stood calmly under the net, hair styled, posture set, unabashedly staring as Jaida rounded a corner.

It was strange.

After hiding for so long, Gigi simply looking at her felt dangerous.

Jaida slowed to a walk several feet in front of the cheerleader, taking cautious steps closer.

The corner of Gigi’s mouth quirked up playfully. “So, you gonna ask me to Homecoming, Allstar?” She batted her eyes in a manner that would have, under normal circumstances, had Jaida chomping at the bit to press her against the nearest flat surface.

As it was, with the memory of Gigi’s frazzled appearance and Jackie’s smug smile burned into her retinas, Jaida couldn’t help but bite back a scoff at the notion.

“Thought you had a date,” she muttered, venom in her words.

Gigi’s smile vanished; her eyes fell to the floor. “Not anymore.”

“Oh? You’re too good for her too?” Jaida couldn’t help the bitterness from seeping out, her arms coming to cross in front of her chest defensively. 

Gigi's eyes flashed darkly, but the glint of anger passed just as suddenly as it appeared. “I’ll take that as a no, then.” 

Jaida set her mouth in a line, unwilling to give Gigi any more of an inkling into how she felt.

Gigi hesitated a moment, her previously icy posture melting a bit as her eyes searched Jaida’s face for… something.

“Is it Jan?” She finally asked.

“Is what Jan?”

“Why you can’t look at me?”

Jaida nearly choked on her own spit. 

Gigi nodded once. Firmly. With finality.

And turned on her heel.

* * *

Friday came faster than Jaida would have liked. 

Luckily for her, Widow had reached out the day after the nominations, almost as if she knew what Jaida was going through, and had offered a spot in their Homecoming group.

Jaida had accepted gratefully, thankful, because her only other option had been to go alone, seeing as her teammates all had made plans weeks ago.

She still wasn’t thrilled about the whole prospect of Homecoming, knowing that it was mostly an excuse for people to get drunk and party after a school-sanctioned event. Seeing as the most recent party she attended had ended so poorly, she wasn’t eager for a repeat.

Still, she was glad to be involved, even if she loathed herself for it.

It was something she had tried and failed to explain in the past. She was grateful, absolutely. The opportunities she had been offered, the friends she had made, her damn college tuition had all been made possible through basketball and her quasi-stardom. She wasn’t ignorant to the power she held. She just didn’t see it the same way other people did. That’s what Widow still couldn’t understand. It wasn’t fun to have the reputation of the school on your shoulders at all times. It was exhausting.

Jan understood.

Jaida figured that’s why it was so easy with her. They both held the weight of everyone’s expectations on their shoulders so constantly that it became a part of who they were. They prided themselves on never breaking a sweat, even when the unyielding pressure was too much to bear.

They saw it as strength, even if deep down they knew better.

The stress and pressure had taken over Jaida’s life so completely that she was scared of who she’d become without it.

So she set her shoulders and forced a smile when she arrived at Widow’s doorstep right at 8:30, dress bag thrown over a muscular forearm. 

Widow had swung the door open wide, hair tied up in a towel, practically naked. But she acted like this was totally normal as she let Jaida in, leading her down the familiar hallway to the kitchen.

There were two other figures lounging about in various states of undress. 

The guy, Joey, or Joe, Jaida remembered Widow calling him, was leaned against the counter, hip cocked out to the side, toothy grin set in the lines on his face.

He was handsome. 

In that classically charming way that most men with two brain cells and a non-threatening demeanor were. 

And then there was Dahlia.

She was perched atop the kitchen counter smiling widely at something Widow’s boyfriend had said when she made eye contact with Jaida.

Her expression changed instantly, face falling along with her gaze.

Jaida tried not to let it outwardly phase her. She still hadn’t figured out how she felt about Dahlia. The instance at the party being one of the only experiences she’d had with the younger girl. Granted, during said experience, Dahlia had gone out of her way to attack Jan and ended up being one of the driving forces that exposed her and Gigi.

But there was something else that Jaida couldn’t quite place. A motive.

Which made the whole thing ridiculously more complicated, and Jaida really didn’t want to get into all of it right then. 

So she brushed it off to the best of her abilities and gave a small nod in Dahlia’s direction. 

An understanding passed between them as the younger girl shot her an appreciative look before letting the tension in her shoulders dissipate.

The four of them lounged about the house for a solid half-hour before even attempting to begin the arduous process of getting ready. In all honesty, Jaida hadn’t been prepared for the event that her counterparts made dressing up, and she was taken completely off guard when they both insisted on doing her hair and makeup.

Jaida relented after a bit of teasing and let the two take over, grumbling just enough as they poked and prodded every inch of her face.

That, coupled with the fact that Widow and Dahlia had to get ready themselves, was just one of the many reasons they pulled into the parking lot of the school nearly two hours after the dance started. 

Jaida’s group didn't seem to mind though, Widow and Joe leading the way into the school, giggling into each other’s space all the while. Jaida found herself smiling at their antics, something about the uncomplicated nature of their relationship was refreshing to be around. 

When they entered the school, Jaida managed to avoid having her picture taken, smoothly slipping away from the rest of her group in an attempt to orient herself. 

It was just as well seeing as Widow began berating the school’s hired photographer about angles and lighting and a million other things Jaida couldn’t comprehend. 

The basketball star couldn’t help but smile slightly at the decorations that covered every inch of the gym. The theme had been _Underwater Ball_ , which Jan had despised since the moment it was chosen.

Jaida couldn’t count the number of times she had to listen to the student body president complain about how blue washed her out and how unethical the whole fishing industry was.

But for however much Jan hated the theme, she had done a damn good job with the decorations. Floor to ceiling cardboard waves acted as a background to the literal hundreds of hand-drawn fish cutouts. Not to mention the life-size mermaid statues that lined the dance floor. Projectors on either side made the waves look realistic as they moved with the non-existent tide. Seaweed pillars lined the stage in the center of the gym. 

And Jaida’s personal favorite touch, the seafood puns.

 _Claw and Order Crab Cakes_  
_Kriller Punch_

As Jaida’s eyes roamed the impressive setup, she caught sight of some familiar faces.

Nicky and Jackie were smack dab in the middle of the dance floor, throwing their heads back, eyes shut, dancing like lunatics. They commanded attention. Nicky, with her natural grace, and Jackie with her unending magnetism.

Heidi and Crystal swayed nearby, giggling at their pair of friends and chatting with… Brita, who looked to be having the time of her life.

Jadia wasn’t really up to date with all the cliques, but the grouping seemed unusual. 

She shrugged it off and continued scouting out the rest of the space, catching Aiden and Rock out of the corner of her eye. The two girls had managed to get to the very top of the collapsed bleachers and were looking out at the mass of bodies. 

Then there was Jan, surrounded by a crowd of smiling faces, and Bryce at her side. A casual onlooker wouldn’t question the scene in the slightest, but Jaida could see Jan’s hand tensing around her cup at the proximity. 

And then there was Gigi, standing alone against the far wall, covered head to toe in dazzling silver, her dress reflecting the pulsing lights. 

She looked like a sexy disco ball. And also like she’d been crying.

Jaida hated that her stomach twisted at the thought. 

No matter how hard she tried, and Lord knows how hard she tried, Jaida couldn’t let Gigi go. It wasn’t even fondness anymore, it was all of it. The whole stupid fucking lot of it. The sex and the feelings and the closeness that shook Jaida to her very core. 

She craved Gigi with every ounce of her being. 

Her heart beat in time with Gigi’s careful steps; the click-clack of heels against linoleum floors.

But before Jaida could fall into another endless spiral of feelings and self-loathing, there was a voice ringing out over the speakers calling for all the Homecoming Royalty nominees to come to the stage. 

Jaida felt herself follow the lead of the other nominees onto the stage. She squinted at the harsh spotlights, feeling the familiar itch on her skin that meant people were looking at her. It wasn’t wholly unpleasant, just… noticeable. 

She took a moment to breathe in and out and survey her competition. 

Nicky up first in a gorgeous black and white pantsuit, looking like the epitome of French fashion. Jan to her left, sunshine yellow dress complimenting the brilliant smile she wore. Jaida’s own form fitting red dress pooling around her ankles like water. And Gigi in her silver shining dress that hugged her sides the way Jaida’s hands itched to.

The nominees stood hand in hand, some holding their breath, others rolling their eyes internally as the room went dead silent. The seconds ticked by like hours, but Jaida felt Jan squeeze her hand a split second before the announcement came.

“Jaida Essence Hall and Jan Sport!”

Jaida smiled reflexively as her heart sank in her chest.

She turned to pull a beaming Jan into her arms. The first physical contact they’d had since the party. And that knowledge alone lit something up inside of Jaida, but before either of them could say anything more than a simple congrats, there were sashes and crowns and the booming voice calling for students to clear the floor.

Jaida rolled her eyes at the extra-ness of it all, but Jan elbowed her in the side and she couldn’t help but break out into a giggle. 

She offered a hand out to Jan, who smiled adorably as she took it, leading them down the stairs of the stage and into the center of the gym. 

Jaida let her hands find Jan’s hips, while Jan’s arms wrapped around the back of Jaida’s neck.

Jaida couldn’t help a grin as a corny love song began to play from the speakers. Jan blushed prettily and teased her about it, but Jaida didn’t care.

She and Jan swayed for what felt like ages. Hands and bodies wrapped around each other. 

They fit. 

Body and soul they fit.

“You’ve got an admirer,” Jan whispered, nodding her head over Jaida’s shoulder.

The Allstar player turned her head and caught sight of Gigi staring daggers at the pair of them. She quickly looked away when she was caught, then pushed herself off the wall where she had been leaning, storming over to Nicky and pulling the other girl out the gym doors.

“How are you?” Jan’s tone was serious, but her eyes were soft.

Jaida chuckled and shook her head.

“What?”

“Nothing I just-” Jaida smiled. “You never say what I expect you to.”

“Thanks?” 

“It’s a compliment.” Jaida insisted, inching that much closer to Jan. “Most people would be tryin’ to get information about all that.” She nodded in Gigi’s direction.

Jan shrugged. “I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not curious, but you’d tell me if you needed to.”

Jaida nodded. “Thank you, Jan.”

Jan smiled sadly as Jaida’s movements began to slow.

“For everything.”

Their careful swaying came to a stop and Jaida reached up to hold Jan’s hands in her own. “But I can’t-”

“It’s okay.” Jan stopped her, cupping Jaida’s face gently with one hand. “I won’t take it personally.”

Jaida smiled sadly at her own words echoing back at her. She couldn’t fight the rush of emotion that filled her chest the longer she stayed fixed in place, breathing in Jan’s presence.

So she didn’t.

She let it wash over her in one ceaseless crash after another.

And then Jan let her go.

* * *

Jaida found Gigi and Nicky leaning up against the side of the school, cigarettes held loosely between red lips. Gigi coughed on every inhale, but the fire in her eyes kept her cigarette from going out.

Jaida approached the pair cautiously, careful to not trip over her dress.

The cheerleader tensed as she came closer, while Nicky looked between them warily. 

“Gigi, can we talk?” Jaida asked, letting a bit of her frustration out in her tone.

Gigi swallowed around a cough and glared. “What? Still don’t wanna be seen with me?”

Jaida rolled her eyes, the past month’s worth of frustration and hurt spilling over. She didn’t think twice before pulling Gigi into a forceful kiss that they both felt in their toes. Gigi melted into the contact, fiery exterior melting away the longer Jaida’s lips pressed to hers.

They hadn’t ever properly kissed before, but it didn’t seem to matter, their mouths meeting in time, breath synching up almost subconsciously.

When they finally parted, resting their foreheads together, Nicky was nowhere to be found.

They didn’t speak as Jaida interlaced their fingers and led Gigi silently away from the school.

They climbed into Jaida’s truck, neither mentioning how this was the first time Gigi had sat in the passenger seat. They drove and drove and drove, Jaida’s eyes fixed on the road ahead of them, rather than the pit growing in her stomach. But Gigi’s warm hand on her thigh grounded her, kept her head from flying too far away from her shoulders.

Jaida’s mind was empty as the jet black road narrowed, leading up and up and up into the mountains just outside of town. 

The Allstar chanced a look over at her passenger seat. She couldn’t read Gigi’s expression as the wind whipped her previously pristine hair into a tangle of blonde strands. The shimmer of her dress still reflected the sparse streetlights as they raced around countless switchbacks. 

She looked beautiful.

Jaida pulled over at the next lookout point. Only when she turned the key did she notice she had been holding her breath.

They sat in the silence for a beat before Jaida felt herself stir, exiting the vehicle and hopping down onto thinly milled gravel. 

Body on autopilot, she lowered the back hatch and crawled into the bed of her truck, ignoring the way her dress pulled at the seams from the movement. She offered a hand out to Gigi and the two sat against the back window. 

Gigi curled to her side as if knowing this would be the last time she could, head fitted neatly on Jaida’s shoulder, the easy intimacy making the older girl’s stomach churn. 

They didn’t say anything for a long while, Gigi running her fingers over the exposed skin of Jaida’s arms, Jaida staring at the stars like they would provide some answer to their predicament.

“This is it, huh?” Gigi finally whispered into the darkness, all anger and malice gone from her words.

Jaida felt her chest tighten. 

“We’ve hurt too many people already.”

“So hurting us is gonna change that?”

Jaida shook her head and was surprised to find herself blinking back tears all of a sudden. “No,” she conceded, “but you know we can’t keep doing this.”

Gigi chuckled bitterly. “If I had a nickel for every time you said that.”

“It’s different now,” Jadia insisted.

“Because you can’t stand to be seen with me?” Gigi bit out. “You could do a lot worse, you know.” 

Jaida sighed. “Gigi-”

The cheerleader cut her off with a gentle touch to Jaida’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.” She looked down to her hands, fingers flexing against the fabric of Jaida’s dress anxiously. 

Jaida shook her head. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have started this in the first place.”

“I didn’t stop you.”

No, she hadn’t.

She didn’t know Gigi was in a relationship when they started their… arrangement. She assumed. Hell, Gigi looked like _that_ , she must have had people lining up left and right for a chance with her. Jaida assumed there was someone in the picture, but she hadn’t cared. She was frustrated and burned out and it was only their sophomore year. She wanted to be reckless, screw the consequences. And that had worked out fine for a while. They fucked and pretended to be perfect strangers if anyone asked.

But one night, Jaida was shooting the ball around outside her house, attempting to perfect her three-point shot, when she caught sight of Gigi through the window. She had her head in her hands, brow knit in frustration over an open textbook on her desk. It was a completely ordinary scene. Nothing magical in the least.

And yet something took root in Jaida’s chest then, something she was never able to voice aloud.

Suddenly their hurried sessions between respective practices felt different.

Jaida had done her best to push it aside. Gigi was supposed to be her reprieve from thinking. She was supposed to be like basketball, muscle memory.

She didn’t know what to say. She could still barely process her own thoughts, let alone verbalize them.

“I’m-” She started, but Gigi pressed a delicate finger to her lips, face scrunched up in a wince, like Jaida’s words caused her pain.

“Me too.”

The air between them stilled. The only noises audible were the crickets in the distance and Jaida’s pounding heart.

Eventually, Gigi shifted up on her hands, draping herself over Jaida’s body slowly. She began trailing kisses up the length of Jaida’s exposed neck.

Jaida tensed at the contact. 

“Let me,” Gigi whispered, breathing shaky. “Please.”

They hadn’t done this a lot. Their rendezvous usually focused on Gigi’s pleasure, seeing as she was the one that could go home after, but she had persuaded Jaida a few times in the past to let her explore.

Jaida always felt exposed afterward, laid bare. Raw.

Jaida met her gaze warily, but the sheer panic in Gigi’s eyes was what finally did it. 

After a beat, she nodded.

Gigi’s lips curved up at the sides. It wasn’t a smile. Not by the half. Because it didn’t warm Jaida’s chest from the inside out the way Gigi’s smiles usually did.

She traced lines of muscle with her tongue, breathed words Jaida couldn’t hear against her skin, marking it as her own.

Jaida felt her skin itch like it didn’t belong to her anymore. If she were being honest she knew in her heart it never had been hers. 

It had always been Gigi’s.

Before long, Jaida was panting open-mouthed into the thrumming night air as Gigi’s fingers made sharp circles over her clit, pulling the older girl closer and closer to the edge with every gasping breath.

Gigi pressed herself closer, her mouth to Jaida’s neck, her chest to her stomach. Jaida felt like she was on fire and her mind was blank and full at the same time and it was all too much and then Gigi spoke.

“Tell me you loved me.”

She sounded far too coherent for Jaida’s current mental state to process.

But she couldn’t think about that, couldn’t think much of anything because she was so close and so torn up inside.

“Gigi-”

The cheerleader cut her off, pulling her head back so Jaida could see her teary eyes.

“Lie to me.” 

Jaida shut her eyes tightly, unable to look at Gigi directly anymore. She let out a shaky exhale as Gigi resumed her ministrations. 

“I still do,” Jaida whispered into the night air.


End file.
